After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Randomize
