dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
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