oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
