I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
