I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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