thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
