We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
