who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
