It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
