New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I just got carded by a ten year old.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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