And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Randomize
