Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
