we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Randomize
