You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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