she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
