wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
