ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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