Whatcha textin bout Willis?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Randomize
