The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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