Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
