No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
