I smell stomach acid.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize