what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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