Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
