Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
