I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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