Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
