dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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