Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Randomize
