I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
