Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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