i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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