I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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