He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Princesses don't give blow jobs
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
