I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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