So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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