im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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