I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
i think my cat just said my name.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize