Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
