We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
