if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
