apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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