I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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