Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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