we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
