I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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