I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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