Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
