Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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