im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
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