A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
