she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I did not marry a roomba.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize