No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
