I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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