saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
