i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Randomize
