This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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