Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
