I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
