Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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