my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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