i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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