I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
home. puking in laundry basket.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
