It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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