i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
This is classic penis vs brain.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Randomize
