Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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