hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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